June 12, 2016
I always think of the seven teachings...courage, wisdom, respect, love, honesty, truth, humility...I am never in balance and I never expect others to be in that balance either...
I do have to wonder though, when it comes to these teachings if people take them on as singular or working together as a whole...
I believe that anger is good and can be used as a positive force...but I can see where it gets people stuck in bitterness & resentments...where I see my people hating on white people & the systems of oppression...or even hating on each other...but they become stuck there...in that hatred...never moving forward and never allowing others to move forward either...healing
everyone heals differently...but if you live your entire life in that hatred, what does it teach the next generation? what good is our 7 teachings if they are only applied to our own?
people will say to me "you can't deny people their anger" and I am not...I am also not trying to tell you how to heal or when...I am however, asking you, to look at this anger and where it has taken you in life and where you want it to lead you...because it is leading you...
i see people who say they are cultural and then begin to say the most hurtful things about white people and believe it is justified because 'ancestors'...I am not innocent of this...and everything I write on this page is always about me first...
one can have all the honesty & truth in the world about our people's struggles but what good is it without respect or love?...And I smudge to Creator that one day I will be able to balance all of these at once...and live my life by my word and not harm others...to have these things just flow through me and not against me...
it feels like a constant struggle to live right...to please not only my own First Nations brothers & sisters but also my other brothers & sisters of other races...And I can see the ones who are stuck in that anger, become enraged by what is in my heart...and accuse me of attacking them and doing exactly what I was writing about...but I do not play those games, it is with open hearts, that I find myself most times when I write here
if it offends, then ask yourself why that is and dig deeper then just "well it doesn't matter because I can do or think whatever I want"....but everything we do is supposed to be for Creator...sometimes I feel guilty for being me....guilty for not being First Nations enough for my own people...or not saying what they want me to say or how they want me to say it...
and then some will twist everything so they can brush everything written here aside so they can still remain in that anger...that’s fine...but anger is no longer a place I want our ancestors to live...and if that makes me down playing the ‘fight’ then so be it...
I was never meant to be a warrior...but I always wanted better for our people...and in writing these ramblings in some small way, maybe, it starts by healing myself first.