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Journey Forward

Decolonize Myself. The act of undoing the hold of colonization. Of course there is the original meaning and then there are numerous adapted meanings. In my journey it is a reconnecting to my culture and applying it to the world around me.

Decolonize Myself. The title alone should inform others that I am imperfect. I share things I find interesting or challenging. I share things I aspire to be. At times I share things that I disagree with but have to remind myself it is about perspectives. The page is another facet to my ever-changing personal journey.

Decolonize Myself. As the title suggests I am reclaiming myself. I am examining everything through a First Nations lens. I try to follow the cultural guidelines of character but hardly do I succeed. I also try not to be a cultural gatekeeper. I make mistakes, learn from them, take accountability, retry, fail again, start over.

Decolonize Myself. I begrudgingly accept this has become a "platform." I have also resigned myself to the fact that I will not please everyone. I will make enemies. I will make new kinships. I will find myself and lose myself all in one breath. I cannot control someone else's narrative of who I am.

Decolonize Myself. I have accepted the fact that my own people/people of color will be my harshest critics. A handful of my own people will act like the colonizer toward me. I will imperfectly defend myself and knowingly always lose to these types. I see the loss of culture in the way some of my own behave. I see the loss of culture in how I behave. This is why it is decolonize myself.

Decolonize Myself. It also means that I am not their victim. I take my power back by denouncing who the colonizer told me to be. I take my power back by denouncing the parts of me that want to emulate the colonizer's hate. I don't always win but I don't always lose. The harshest critic will always be myself.

I am grateful for the ones who still follow after they see me at my worst. I am grateful that our cultural teachings are still very much alive in some of you. I am grateful to be able to share my imperfect journey with others. I will continue to do my best and expect the worst.


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