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The Stalker

Baby Reindeer. If you have not watched this show on Netflix then this is your push to go watch it! However, a warning, major triggering events happen within this story. Please watch with care.

The story, whether entirely true or not, really sucked me into it's world. I found myself watching the real life Fiona Harvey interview and all the YouTube commentary that followed. The actors/actresses interviews. The Daily Mail articles.

But, why?


The Wrap

‘Baby Reindeer’ Cast and Character Guide: Who’s Who in the Netflix Limited Series?

Creator Richard Gadd and actress Jessica Gunning lead the ensemble of the disturbing stalker saga.



For me, Baby Reindeer, had brought me back to memories of an ex-friend of mine. Someone I would very much rather have erased from my memory. The friend turned stalker.

I really want to give broad strokes here and get it over with. I also know he will be reading this and I wouldn't want to give him the impression of any importance in my life. But, this is how it began...

We met at a pride group. A group of friends. Harmless enough. I started to run into him outside the group. I would run into him at the grocery store. Another day, another place, another run in. Then another run in. And another...

One day his roommate ditched on him. So he was about to be homeless when a mutual friend jumped in to save him. She moved right in. Everything seemed fine amongst us but there were cracks starting to happen that were ignored.

He cruelly rejected a friend who liked him which made her have a meltdown. His sister taking him to court over vandalism which he denied doing (but said he won the case). Him walking out of group because roommate/our mutual friend, disagreed with a bill payment arrangement they had.

Then his roommate, our mutual friend, abruptly moved out. She said he did something rude which he denied. He was once again up shit creek. I was having issues with my own living arrangements so this time I was the one who jumped in to save him.

I became the fourth roommate in a matter of six months. He had no friends and his siblings rejected him. He latched onto my life and I welcomed it. I felt sorry for him.

The first month was awesome. Soon after the cracks started to show. Tiny cracks in his character which I again ignored. Soon his bad intentions began rapidly unraveling.

There are two many strange things he was doing to mention in detail here but it was bad. He acted like a jealous controlling boyfriend when we were only friends. Isolated me from friends, had to know where I was going, and tagging along uninvited.

Texting my friends behind my back, even male acquaintances he had heard were at the same place as I was, lying about things i said or did. Me pretending to be superman behind him as he left my room - him turning with his fist up in the air like he was about to hit me. Claiming I did it first.

Strange things, like how when close to the end I had stopped talking to him - so in his attempt to get my attention he stopped flushing the toilet.

I left in the fourth month. We had just signed a lease renewal. He stole 200 dollars from my room, at the time i was a treasurer of a group we were both in, and tried to pin it on me. Eventually confessing to the theft (which he never tried to pay back to group).

I blocked him on my phone. I stopped all communication with him. I informed the rental company of the situation. Broke the lease agreement. Moved into my parent's basement. To say I was rattled by everything that had transpired is an understatement.

He managed to leave messages on my phone. I changed the number. In the days, to months, to years, that followed, he would always be around. Lurking.

It's one thing to be at the same 2Slgbtqia+ events and an entirely different thing to constantly see him walking by the place i had lived before moving in with him. My cousin, who was my roomie back then, still lived there and would tell me she always saw him walking by. My mother and I would also see him walking down the block on numerous occasions.

I was freaked out because I had just moved around the corner from there.

Throughout all of this, we had one mutual friend who was a leader of 2Slgbtqia+ community, who really became close to him. I hadn't noticed but throughout this ordeal, she had stopped talking to me, and was always hanging out with him.

After I left, she continued to be his friend, even though he had mistreated numerous 2Spirit people in the community. She would continue to bring him to pride events where he would harass me a few times. It was a huge slap in the face.

The thing that ticked me off about her was that she had automatically chosen his side. It was understandable though, she had experienced an abusive relationship, it's fair to say she was attracted to these personality types.

Eventually I stopped attending all pride events. I had complained to the pride committee and nothing was done. She was on that pride committee of course. I eventually stopped going to all group activities I had once attended.

Throughout the years, he would message the Decolonize page knowing it was me and ask who it was. He was like a ghost that lingered on and on. I would have nightmares, I would always be aware of my surroundings, I would stop going out.

Which all leads me to last year.

Summer 2023. I was walking through the mall on my way outside to get to Safeway. I was on my phone, having a great day, when suddenly from behind me this loud booming voice shouting my name right in my ear. I saw his reflection from the store window before I turned around.

"You ruined my life!" he said.

Instead of ignoring him, i stopped, thinking maybe just maybe if we talked he would finally leave me the fuck alone. I asked, "how?" My mind was racing. Should i call the cops? should i turn my camera on? should i just keep walking? Can I take a punch?

He never answered my question. I eventually walked away when it became clear to me that he didn't want to talk - he just wanted to berate me. My last words to him were "OK stalker"

as we walked away, him angrily mumbling to himself.

I was shaken, angry at the situation, at myself for letting down my guard. I continued on with my shopping while constantly looking behind me. I wasn't going to let it ruin my good day. It was done. It was over with. Finally.

I remembered our mutual friend, how one day we were talking about him, because she saw him in the mall.

She said before all of this she would run into him everywhere. She said "this is the first time seeing him. before he was always around. Everywhere I'd go I'd see him."



Stalking Response Considerations When Working with Native Communities

Stalking is a traumatic victimization and often intersects with domestic violence, sexual violence, trafficking, kidnapping, and homicide – all of which impact Native communities at disproportionate rates. Identifying and responding to stalking is a critical tool in supporting Native victims and holding offenders accountable.

Healthy 2SLGBTTQ* relationships

Learn the signs of an unhealthy or abusive relationship and break the silence.

Impact of stalking on victims

Through large-scale community surveys and smaller studies of specific victim groups, we have begun to understand the deleterious and potentially devastating effects of stalking victimization.

Why Male Stalking Victims Do Not Report

Research reveals the ways male stalking victims suffer in silence. Posted April 24, 2021

‘I felt immense shame’: one man’s experience of a female stalker

Tom, whose experience echoes that portrayed in Baby Reindeer, talks about the impact on him and the police response.

Bill would make harassment because of LGBT, two-spirit identity a hate crime

By Danielle Ferguson. Sioux Falls Argus Leader. 2021.

The WLC celebrates the 2SLGBTQIA + members of our community during Pride month


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